Historically, men who didn’t have intimate needs were considered the manliest because all of their energy could be focused on doing and achieving. Generations ago, men were taught that would be enough to make them lovable.
And yet, the desire to have a close working relationship with a special partner is a core need for most men. This is in often due to the fact that men’s lives are often void of such a relationship, because of the absence of personal, caring relationships in a life geared toward achieving, competing, producing and succeeding.
Men often find it difficult and unsatisfying to get close to one of their own gender, because so few men are comfortable relating to each other personally. Few men have close male friends. Too often, getting close is very difficult for men, because of issues of comparison and competition.
Men and women present yet further issues. Men’s “cold” logic and women’s “hot” emotionality often cause problems in relationships. And yet these are parts of a defensive polarized cycle that has made modern male/female communication as dangerous as it is alluring. When a man says something in a playful manner that is construed as hostile we often see tension. When a woman says something meant lovingly, and the man construes it as pressuring, the natural pull towards each other can be damaged.
And so, each of us, men and women, need to understand and appreciate that men love in their own way, just as much, maybe just as well, as women do. While traditional standards of relationships suggest that women are the love connection, men must begin to see that our masculine way of loving, while different, is not a less valuable currency.